faulker012

Sometimes it hits me, the darkness, the silver lining. I can't find the door behind which I wait.  I feel empty and I feel full. I feel wounded and  I feel surrendered. I feel uncertainty and I feel conviction. I feel confused and I feel discovered. I feel bound and I feel untethered. I feel all of it at once.  I lay my head down on Jerry's lap and feel his instant connection, gentle fingers in my hair, weighted arm about my waist. He allows me to express it all and to feel empowered by it. Tears, snot, words, sounds, the man creates a holding place where my outpourings are held gently and where I am strengthened through it all. This is life, he will say in a whisper , it is complicated and you, you must not be afraid to feel it . Then gently, in waves, it passes through the two of us and I am warmed and reminded that this life comes in in a rush, and that this too shall pass. It is a reminder to appreciate the absolute beauty and certainty that is my life.  I am aga...

The truth is, I'm weird. I'm awkward. It's particularly obvious at the moment because I'm struggling with depression right now. I don't fit in. I can join in to most groups, but never really stay there. I sometimes crave a box to fit into but would never be able to live like that. I crave fitting in at times, but know I never really will  I'm not afraid to be the lone voice.  I'm comfortable being alone. I generally silence when others disagree with me. I don't require agreement. I read too much. I have a zillion and one things that interest me and I'm never bored. I see more than most.  I am intuitive at times. I notice things. Sometimes I misread what I see. I am authentically me. Always as real as possible in any given moment...and that's not weird or awkward at all . I say the thing that others won't say. I say the truth I am living. I'm politely wild. I won't be what I am not. I make many mistakes because I'm not afraid of th...

I have a friend who accuses me of this. That I hangout only with people who think as I do, or that I only expose the kids to other atheist, or people who think as we do... And I have to laugh! What must happen is that I mention being in a group of all atheists or freethinking people whenever we are, somehow, in a group where atheists are in the majority. It's absolutely noteworthy to mention it because it's rare. Exceedingly rare. And nice. The thing is that this claim (or is it an accusation?) by this friend of mine is another way for people to express their underlying disapproval. Message received... Friend . Think about it.   Do you know Christians or other believers who comment on their lovely time with their Christian friends? Are they, then, accused of hanging out only with people who think like they do? Not to mention the zillions of Christian homeschool families who isolate their kids from the real world while we enjoy sincere friendships and relationships with people ...

I have now written over 900 blog posts, have had over 1,200,000 visitors to My Own Mind blog , and have kept the blog for nearly eight years. When one blogs as I do, one tends to give the process of blogging a bit of thought. Otherwise I would be unable to continue. I'm weird like that. Does this blog mean something... anything ? Am I a work in progress? Am I full of hot air? Do I have a niche ? Are my words still viable? Is there more to say? Listen, it may be true that I think too much , or that I have a bit too much time on my hands at the moment, hence this blog post. I'm thinking about what I have gotten from keeping this blog and I'm wondering who visits here and why. For the most part, visitors here seem to be looking for the exact thing that I strive to put out there: real life atheist parenting , a positive world view, maybe a sense of community , and authenticity. I think. Comments from readers that appear both here, on FB, and to me privately nearly always refer...

I've been cleaning out Mom's house this month. It has been a physically- and emotionally-exhausting activity. Many items were given to friends and family. Much was donated to various places. Much has found its way into the landfill, sadly. And much, much, even more sadly, has found its way to my home. I must thank my husband for his unfailing support and time in all things connected to this job. In my down time I have been going through Mom's private correspondence, cards and letters, files, pictures, keepsakes of all kinds. I have done quite a bit so far and there is more to do ahead of me. The interesting thing that I have brought home is a large collection of bibles. The b-i-b-el-e. Two copies are the boxed momento-type bibles from other relatives who have died, barely touched books in wooden boxes that Mom kept in a drawer. They smell weird...yeah, those bibles. One white leather-bound book is from a very beloved aunt who died several years ago. One black, serious-looki...

I found this online this morning and I had to share! Thank you to my friend Julianna for posting first. This piece was written by Gretchen Schmelzer PhD; I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing it here.   About the author:  Gretchen Schmelzer, PhD is a licensed psychologist, trained as a Harvard Medical School Fellow. She is a trauma survivor, who has worked for twenty-five years with the complex issues of trauma, integration and behavior change across every level of system from individuals, to groups, to large systems and countries, including her role as the expert consultant Frontline for their documentary on Alaskan survivors of priest sexual abuse (aired April 19, 2011). Gretchen is the Founder & Editor of Emotional Geographic, a web-mag created to support healing from long term trauma.  www.emotionalgeographic.com

This past month is one of those times of the year when our family celebrates many birthdays of many loved ones. Most of the adults are a bit uncomfortable with celebration in their honor while most of the kids dig the moments of being treated as special and given gifts.  I think human beings love ritual and celebration. Still I find it interesting that we celebrate the day we were born. When I had kids myself I felt the desire to celebrate becoming a mother to each kid, but that's not really the same thing as celebrating them . Although it did become a celebration of them. What I'm wondering is why we continue those celebrations into adulthood. Why do we almost universally celebrate with cake. Where did the candles come from? Just...what the heck is this all about? I went and read about the history of birthday celebrations; that still doesn't explain why we do it. My own birthday is coming up soon and people are already asking me   what do you want to do on your birthday? W...

When the kids were very small my dad bought Elizabeth a Red Radio Flyer wagon. The wagon, the best toy ever. Can be used in a zillion different ways by every single kid. You're only limited by your imagination. Jer and I used to go for fairly long walks pulling that wagon with toddle Elizabeth all wrapped up in padding blankets and warm mittens. Leave it to my kid. I remember the day when the kids were quite young, John was maybe 4 and Liz was 7ish. Elizabeth was angry at me for something and had decided to run away. And John was going with her, blindly following her, as he used to do, letting her call the shots. The two of them loaded up the wagon with their important things, including special stuffed animals, snacks, juice boxes, and coats in case it got cold at night on the road. Someone else might have tried to talk the kids out of running away. Or followed them on a bike or something. Someone else might have fretted. But I was mightily entertained. They were on an adventure......

In the past week or so I've (still) been looking through old boxes and cleaning off my shelves. Many of the boxes contain our homeschool files from 2005 to now. I kept work from all disciplines in nicely organized folders. *pats self on the back. It is obvious that I don't need to keep all of these papers, but I have to keep some of them!!! The adorable early efforts at sentence writing, paragraphs, essays, stories, artwork, etc. Drawings of self and family and home. Doodles, attitude, and boredom. Some of these papers I would walk through a burning house for because they are a chronicle of the development of my children's identities. It's remarkable to see from this vantage point. While looking through each file folder and reading page after page of the kids' work and page after page of my own notes, I feel like I've rediscovered a few things that I want to pass along to you if you are still in the early throes of homeschooling. For example: Doing lessons with ...